Sarcasm Into Print: Archive

Mar 16th

2 notes

Mar 11th

“You know how, when Vader struck him down, all that was left of Obi-Wan was his...”

– Laura (via city-love)

Mar 6th

5 notes

“Why do stormtroopers even have grappling hooks in their utility belts? I mean,...”

– Laura (via city-love)

Mar 6th

Harry Potter and the Very Awkward Introductions →

This is perhaps the nerdiest thing that I have ever written…it manages to incorporate Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Animorphs…and then some. If Star Wars was literary, I’m sure I would’ve included it, too. It’s almost embarassing. So, what do you know? Collegehumor.com publishes it. Go figure. :)

Feb 24th

“Too chubby and too slow to get away, 8-year-old Bill Clinton was attacked by a...”

– The Cleveland Plain Dealer, in a Presidents’ Day Tribute

Feb 15th

Feb 11th

1 note

“Dude. Tetris. is. my. BITCH.”

– Laura, ladies and gentlemen. (via city-love) Seriously. This was the Tetris game of my life. Level: 43 Lines: 427 Score: 453,617 On this game. http://www.freetetris.org/ I’m feeling kind of awesome.

Feb 11th

3 notes

Watch

Geeky but funny! :)

Dec 21st

Things I learned at the Cleveland Museum of Art

This morning, my friend and I visited the Cleveland Art Museum. I’ve been there a bunch of times, but I learned several new things: 1) I still don’t like abstract art. I’m the annoying person in the back of the gallery always saying “I could have done this.” 2) Suits of armor are awesome. 3) What a “ewer” is (“a large jug with a wide mouth,...

Dec 19th

3 notes

Watch

Who doesn’t love DuckTales? This video is an alternate taking of the show’s intro. And it’s hilarious.

Dec 9th

NERD ALERT! All preceding videos are generally...

Dec 9th

Watch

Luigi* has a point. And Super Mario Brothers is awesome. *Also known as Green Mario. Watch the video. :)

Dec 9th

Watch

Star Trek (2009) meets Star Wars. Who knew that Captain Kirk was so well-versed in Star Wars lore? Hilarious.

Dec 9th

Watch

It was a triumph for the Rebels when the Death Star when they blew in up in A New Hope, but what about the Imperials? Bad guys have friends, too.

Dec 9th

Nerd alert! I am posting above some of the...

Dec 9th

Dec 8th

"Watch out guys... Laura's a schizo." Yeah,...

Me: You have a symptom of schizophrenia! Neologism: making up words that only have meaning to the creator.
Laura: That is ridulositorious of you.
  .
  .
That word is gonna catch on.  Just wait.  Also: 
Vocabularious (adjective): having a vast vocabulary
Randomnity (adjective): having a state of great randomness, but sounding cooler
 Etc.

Nov 25th

Spoiling Bones :D

Laura: I'm really getting into Bones. I love Hodgins and Zack.
Me: Oh, I forgot about Zack. Better characters like the British guy and the depressed dude come on when they try to replace Zack.
Laura: STOP!!!! I know Zack leaves, but I don't want details.
Me: Oh. Okay. So the Gormagons... they need apprentices to finish their skeletons.
Laura: What? 
Me: They start off silver, but eventually they complete the skeletons with real bones.
Laura: You're saying things, but I don't know what they mean.
Me: A bone from each victim...
Laura: What?
Me: I'm spoiling!
Laura: STOP!
Me: Haha. You didn't even know. I could have told you about Hodgins and Angela, and then Angela and her husband, and Angela and her girlfriend, and Angela and her dad.
 Laura is offline.
Me: But you'd never had noticed.
Me: Oh come on.
Me: I'll stop now...
Me: I promise.
 I hate spoilers.  Stephanie knows this.  It's her own fault that  she is now cut off from AIM conversation.  I still have three seasons to watch before we can speak again.

Nov 24th

Text Messaging With Stephanie: Are we BFFS or...

Me: So, my phone shows how many calls I've missed from a single person...I've missed 19 of yours.  
Stephanie: You're a bitch.  
Me: Who's a good friend?  I am!  
Stephanie: ...sometimes I don't know why I bother with you. 
Me: Because you LOOOOOOOVE me.  Actually, I don't know why, either.  I'm not very lovable.  
Stephanie: It's true.  
Me: "Yes, you are, Laura."  "You're the best, Laura."  Yeah, love you too, bitch.  
Stephanie: I love you more than you love me.  
Me: You can't possibly know that.  
Stephanie: But I can.  
Me: How, pray tell?  
Stephanie: I'm a genius.  
Me: Uh-huh.  Liars go to hell.

Nov 20th

Nov 19th

Nov 18th

Retaliation: If she wants to post embarrassing...

Stephanie: 20/20 did a special on cat ladies.  
Me: I was wondering.  
Stephanie: It's kind of funny.  That they bother with it.  Like...there is no news.  So we're going to focus on the crazy lady down the street.  
Me: You did.  
Stephanie: 123 cats!  
 .
 .
 Regarding the "Star Wars" movies...
Stephanie: We should do a marathon.  Oksana and I are going to do a Harry Potter marathon once I get my one DVD back from my cousin.

Nov 18th

How egotistical am I that I totally just reposted...

And I seem pretty nerdy in the posts, too.

Nov 18th

“ What’sh the differenshe between your mother and a mallard with a cold? One’sh a...”

– Laura Hurley’s impression of Darrell Hammond’s impression of Sean Connery. (via city-love)

Nov 18th

I am not a nerd. I just am a very good guesser. ...

Laura: I can't believe Leia kissed Luke. She kissed her brother! She's all like "I know. Somehow, I've always known. Then why did you kiss him???
Laura: And I totally didn't just quote "Return of the Jedi."
Laura: FUCK. That was verbatim. I hate my life.
Me: LOSER.
 ...
Laura: This language you've included. Is it a real language or one you made up?
Me: Slovenian, sorry. I'm not Tolkein.
Laura: Fuck! You beat me to it. I was totally going to reference Tolkein.
Me: Hahaha.
Laura: God damn it.
Me: Nerds!
Laura: At least I can quote Star Wars.

Nov 18th

Stephanie's debut into the world of writing. ...

Me: I'm having difficulty focusing on my story. All I've been doing in writing, procrastinating, eating pizza rolls and drinking diet coke.
Me: I feel like a legit writer.
Laura: Welcome to the world of writing.
Me: I've lost complete track of time. I started this at 5pm.
Laura: Welcome to the world of writing.
 Stephanie's debut into the world of writing.  She's beginning to understand why I am the way that I am.

Nov 18th

Nov 17th

This game is so stupid and so dorky. But weirdly... →

Nov 17th

Why the "Free Willy" Trilogy Was Worth The $8.49:

1. It is the first movie that I can remember seeing in a theater (Free Willy). 2. It has the first boy that I ever had a crush on…Jesse, that whale-taming 12-year-old (Free Willy). 3. It reminded me of how breaking and entering can really be the best decision a person can ever make (Free Willy). 4. I remembered how, for a long time, I really wanted to learn how to play the harmonica...

Nov 17th

So, that $8.49 "Free Willy" boxset that I was...

Nov 17th

I skipped class this morning to make muffins. I...

I made the right call. And they don’t even taste that good. But at least I got to wear my pajamas.

Nov 17th

Travesty!

So, a little bit ago, I was doing what every college kid naturally does on a Saturday night…watching Youtube videos of childhood movies and then looking them up on Amazon. I discovered that a three-pack of “Free Willy,” “Free Willy 2,” and “Free Willy 3” on Amazon for $8.49. You might think that it would make me happy to have the opportunity to buy these...

Nov 7th

What All The Cool People Do On Their Weekends

This past Saturday, I spent the afternoon at the Cleveland Natural History Museum. It’s an amazing place, and I’ve been going there since I was in a stroller. I still love it, every time that I go. I even learn. Possibly, the highlight is always Steggy. Steggy is the plaster Stegasaurus that has been outside of the Natural History Museum for as long as I can remember. I spent...

Oct 26th

"The 8 Most Overlooked Halloween Costumes" →

A new article for Collegehumor.com. Halloween-themed! Obviously, really.

Oct 26th

Awesome Childhood Movies That I Had Totally...

These are some of the most fantastic movies ever. All three of them. I don’t care how much flack “D3” has received. It has lessons about life. Also, it’s kind of awesome that the guy on whom I had a crush as a kid, Charlie (Joshua Jackson), I now have a crush on the adult version now. 1. “The Mighty Ducks” (1992) Awesome movie. Awesome kids. Awesome...

Oct 26th

Embarassing Awesome Movie #1: "Stick It"

By the name writer and director of “Bring It On,” there are many reasons for “Stick It” to suck. Especially since “Bring It On” wasn’t exactly an Oscar-worthy film. But I now love “Stick It.” There are awesome gymnastics and lessons about life. Hell. Yeah. I’ve watched it twice already.

Oct 26th

Flavor of the Month:

Joshua Jackson. I’ve never watched “Dawson’s Creek,” so there was no real reason for me to refer to him as ‘Pacey’ when I started watching the awesome new show, “Fringe” (which everyone should watch). He is now Peter to me. And very dreamy.

Oct 26th

Mondays suck...especially this one.

1. I woke up at 4AM. Then 5AM. Then 7AM. Then 8:11AM. Then 8:25AM. I have a class at 9AM. I’ve hit my limit of days missed, so I couldn’t skip. So… 2. The extent of my getting ready for class consisted of brushing my teeth, putting in my contacts, and putting on the first sweatshirt that I grabbed. I ended up leaving my building in the most wrinkly t-shirt that I own,...

Oct 26th

Actual conversation I just had with Laura: A...

Stephanie: You've been neglecting me.
Stephanie: Also, I have a question for you.
Laura: Go for it.
Stephanie: Why is it called "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" in Europe and "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" in the US?
Laura: Basically, Scholastic insisted. They were the American publisher.
Stephanie: Bossy bitches. I think we should all try to be a little bit more British.
Laura: Sure fing, guvnah.
 ...
Stephanie: Did you get my text?
Laura: Which text?
Stephanie: The Bible one.
Laura: No.
Stephanie: Check.
Laura: My phone is far away.
Stephanie: Are there stairs between you?
Laura: No but there are walls and a door.
Laura: Well two, really.
Laura: My phone is in the closet.
Stephanie: Why?
Laura: I went to change pants, took it out of my pocket and left it there.
Laura: I knew as I was doing it, but I didn't care.
Laura: I'm that much of a rebel.
 ...
Stephanie: Fine, I'll just repeat the text.
Stephanie: The Bible has been translated into 11,000 languages, including?
Laura: I didn't even know there were 11,000 languages.
Stephanie: Me neither, but guess.
Laura: Klingon?
Stephanie: NERD!
Laura: Elvish?
Laura: Wait, what?
Stephanie: Klingon, you got it on the first try, nerd.
Laura: I'm just a super duper good guesser.
Stephanie: You're second guess was Elvish.
 ...
Stephanie: I liked Linus. I thought he was a good actor.
Laura: Meh.
Stephanie: You mean you didn't think he was cute? Or you didn't think he was a goo d actor. Because you're biased like that.
Laura: Meh on both, but I'd say he was the best actor out of the bunch.
Stephanie: Even better than Shatner.
Laura: (exceptWilliamShatner)
Laura: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Laura: Oh no you didn't!
Laura: (imagine me doing the snap thing too)
 ******************************************************************************************
 So, the story behind this is the fact that, when IMing with Stephanie, I tend to walk away to get a drink of water or something and then staying away for hours.  Without letting her know.  I do this a lot, and I finally felt bad.  She intended to save this conversation, in which I am not so flatteringly portrayed, but accidentally closed the window.  My version of AIM saves ALL conversationsm so I sent it to her.  For once, my guilty conscience won over my vanity.  
 Just for the record, I don't speak Elvish or Klingon.  It's not my fault I'm an awesome guesser.

Sep 4th

Friday Night Thoughts

Margaret: Please. I know everything about Gushers. Pat: You know nothing about Gushers. Me: How much is there to know about Gushers? Pat and Margaret: A lot.

Jun 27th