Sarcasm Into Print

I am an English major who loves to write and hopes to write and can never think of anything to write.


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September 4

Actual conversation I just had with Laura: A medley:

  • Stephanie: You've been neglecting me.
  • Stephanie: Also, I have a question for you.
  • Laura: Go for it.
  • Stephanie: Why is it called "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" in Europe and "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" in the US?
  • Laura: Basically, Scholastic insisted. They were the American publisher.
  • Stephanie: Bossy bitches. I think we should all try to be a little bit more British.
  • Laura: Sure fing, guvnah.
  • ...
  • Stephanie: Did you get my text?
  • Laura: Which text?
  • Stephanie: The Bible one.
  • Laura: No.
  • Stephanie: Check.
  • Laura: My phone is far away.
  • Stephanie: Are there stairs between you?
  • Laura: No but there are walls and a door.
  • Laura: Well two, really.
  • Laura: My phone is in the closet.
  • Stephanie: Why?
  • Laura: I went to change pants, took it out of my pocket and left it there.
  • Laura: I knew as I was doing it, but I didn't care.
  • Laura: I'm that much of a rebel.
  • ...
  • Stephanie: Fine, I'll just repeat the text.
  • Stephanie: The Bible has been translated into 11,000 languages, including?
  • Laura: I didn't even know there were 11,000 languages.
  • Stephanie: Me neither, but guess.
  • Laura: Klingon?
  • Stephanie: NERD!
  • Laura: Elvish?
  • Laura: Wait, what?
  • Stephanie: Klingon, you got it on the first try, nerd.
  • Laura: I'm just a super duper good guesser.
  • Stephanie: You're second guess was Elvish.
  • ...
  • Stephanie: I liked Linus. I thought he was a good actor.
  • Laura: Meh.
  • Stephanie: You mean you didn't think he was cute? Or you didn't think he was a goo d actor. Because you're biased like that.
  • Laura: Meh on both, but I'd say he was the best actor out of the bunch.
  • Stephanie: Even better than Shatner.
  • Laura: (exceptWilliamShatner)
  • Laura: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
  • Laura: Oh no you didn't!
  • Laura: (imagine me doing the snap thing too)
  • ******************************************************************************************
  • So, the story behind this is the fact that, when IMing with Stephanie, I tend to walk away to get a drink of water or something and then staying away for hours. Without letting her know. I do this a lot, and I finally felt bad. She intended to save this conversation, in which I am not so flatteringly portrayed, but accidentally closed the window. My version of AIM saves ALL conversationsm so I sent it to her. For once, my guilty conscience won over my vanity.
  • Just for the record, I don't speak Elvish or Klingon. It's not my fault I'm an awesome guesser.